Baking and Learning to Be Okay With Being Disliked

Summer/Fall 2013. I worked a terrible job at a young, hip entertainment/tech company with a streaming app you probably watched The Bear on. It was a huge cliquey staff of 20-somethings (which back then, included me!) and I had a hard time making friends, despite trying very hard. I mean, I played laser tag with these people and invited them to my birthday party and they still didn’t accept me in their clique.

I channeled my misfit outsider energy into baking. I baked truffles and (attempted) macarons, but I finally became known at work for my Breaking Bad cookies, which also helped launch my lil food blog.

It felt so good to be liked!! Sadly, it was short-lived. Turns out people can smile while eating my baked goods and talk shit about me behind my back, which included making fun of my master’s degree. It hurt a lot. Subsequently yet separately, I was about to go through a tough era in which I’d have to learn what it was like to be really, really disliked — especially by a defendant and a team of defense attorneys.

Because I sued someone.1

This is a part of my life that I rarely discuss and I won’t go into any further detail on the internet, so don’t ask. All you need to know is that the lawsuit taught me some people will never like you or see the good in you, especially defense attorneys who are paid to discredit you. I took it to heart, but realized lawsuits exist because there are major disputes or damages. Dislike and disrespect and name-calling are part of the game. (We settled out of court after four years of this.)

I also realized being disliked wasn’t the end of the world. In fact, being disliked was actually liberating and I could dislike them right back. Like, fuck off. 🙂

Over the next decade, I managed a team of writers as an editor, worked with freelancers as a podcast story editor, and now I work with undergrad college students as a journalism professor. I accepted that a main part of those jobs is to be firm but fair and work through uncomfortable situations. Dislike wasn’t just possible, but probable and I just had to live with that.

And then I started to bake again last year, thanks to election depression and several personal and professional rejections that I kept to myself and let fester. They turned into a lot of bad tweets, grudges, and cookies. And also…a podcast (thank you to Maya for indulging me for the first episode).

The Internet's Favorite Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Cookie Recipe with Maya Kosoff

Welcome to Couch Potato Cook, a podcast that blends two of my favorite things: food and pop culture.

Couch Potato Cook & Other AdventuresMallory Carra

I tend to do my best creative work and feel brave enough to release it after being rejected. See: This newsletter, my other newsletter, my current novel, whatever this post is, etc.

Throughout the spring and summer, I tried to forgive and put those grudges aside — some with great success, but others I regret. As I always tell my students, we learn and we grow. But also, as Depeche Mode once sang, never let me down again.

Fast forward to Fall 2025: My USC students started asking, “When are you going to bake again? We want the cookies!” They meant the pumpkin chocolate chip ones from the previous fall and the podcast.

Old habits die hard. So I baked and the world fell apart more and I baked again. It felt so good to bake again and, along the way, be liked!!!

Then, in a quick succession of unrelated events in October, I learned that several professional acquaintances had rudely expressed their dislike of me in professional settings. I thought the operative word here was professional, but I guess I was wrong. Sadly, these are people I had a lot of respect for, but the feeling wasn’t mutual. (I will also not go into further detail about this, so don’t ask).

I sulked. I successfully baked lemon bars and banana cake for the first time.

But this time, I didn’t let it fester or keep it to myself or start another newsletter (God help us all). I talked to many trusted friends and colleagues for their advice. It helped me remember that, as much as I try to help people and see the good in everyone, journalism is a competitive industry (now more than ever). Unfortunately, dislike and disrespect and name-calling are part of the game.

And then I thought about the defense attorney. There will always be people (paid or not) who won’t see the good in me. They’ll talk shit, spread rumors, or cowardly leap across a patio just to avoid me. The baking isn’t for them. I don’t have to share anything with people who don’t like me and I can dislike them right back. Like, fuck off. 🙂